Rainy Days are sleepy days

So Emie woke up me up three times last night. I rocker her once, gave her Tylenol for teething on the second time and gave her a bottle the third time. Along with her waking me up, my dog Nikki decided to chase the cat and I heard that at five in the morning. So my coffee has no affect on me today. Ha Ha. I feel very accomplished today. I paid my bills, looked for jobs, sent out resumes, cleaned up my emails and am playing my games on facebook. I love to multi task. I have literally done laundry all week and still have to do some today. Today I have to clean the bathrooms, since I haven't gotten to them yet from being busy with other stuff, and wash the bathroom rugs. I am still going to try to workout on wii fit with my daughter tonight, I try to do this every night but I get so busy with cooking, Emie and other night stuff that by the time I sit down and can workout, I am too tired. I will be walking weekly with a friend of Dale's starting next week so that will help me lose weight and get out of the house. I feel really motivated and excited for the things I have planned to keep me busy each week. I have the walking with Jeanne on Thursdays, weekly play date with Erin, weekly mall play date with my moms group, I see my dad weekly, and my cleaning. So that should keep me busy. Also tonight or tomorrow Dale and I will be sitting down and working on a budget. I do things cheaply around her but there really isn't any set budget we have. And I don't like that, it's like playing in the dark. So we will have a budget, I'm weird I need structure on things. I really enjoy doing budgets and things with schedules. So Emie is napping and I tidied up the play room knowing that Emie will make a mess again but I hate toys everywhere with no kids around. I know I'm weird. Ha Ha. OK so time to eat breakfast and take a shower.

music of the heart

I love to listen to music while I mop the floors. Plus it helps calm down a screaming Emie. She was screaming even though she was fed, playing in her entertainer, but still felt the need to yell at me. I still got the kitchen and floors cleaned. All I have to do next is clean my bathroom and the downstairs bathroom. Mikayla cleans hers now and she vacuums the floors, part of her chores, along with making her bed, feeding her animals and cleaning up toys. I know I spent all day yesterday tiding up and doing laundry. But today I had sheets to do from the beds and the mats from the bathrooms. Got to love my life, clean, clean, clean. Ha Ha. I tell myself everyday that I will read a book or paint or do something "Heather". "Heather" was the before she had kids person. I used to paint, draw, write stories and poems and make music. I am extremely artistic and musically challenged. I no longer play my instruments or sing, unless it is to Emie or in the car. I miss it and wanted to be in a band a few years back, but I'm a mommy and I don't know where I would fit it in. Dale thinks I can join a band and have time for my singing. I was told by an ex that my voice sucks so I lost my confidence as well. He took a lot from me, he beat me and made me feel as a big as a speck of dust. I know he was a loser but he still damaged me a lot. So I don't like when someone catches me singing because I get self conscious about my voice. The most I have done with painting was the ceramics I would buy from painted penguin for myself and paint them. But I stopped doing that too. I loved doing it so much, that I have a curio cabinet full of these ceramics for the world to see. I do miss painting with oil paints and drawing with pastels. I love to draw nature, waterfalls, oceans. I love nature so much that I look forward to going to Birchwood, WI which is six hours away so I fish, swim and just forget about the world. It's nice that Dale's parents have a family home in WI so we go there when we can. I will try to find a balance between mom and "Heather". I really am trying. I am trying to get out more by myself and with Dale without kids. We are looking for a sitter so we can have date night once a month. Hope we find someone soon we really need some time with each other. Back to the art I was thinking of getting finger paints so Emie and I could get creative. I really think she would love it. I really do need to find a way to get "Heather" back I miss her. I wanted to be an author, although I still want to pursue this and have written on my computer slowly over the past year. I also really want to go back to school for nursing. I am a dreamer and if I don't try to at least pursue all or some of my dreams I will be mad at myself. So I will continue to find a way for Heather and mommy to work together. Time to finish my coffee and put Emie down soon for nap number one and for me to get dressed and clean some more.

Wishes I lived in a warmer climate

I am so cold and the house is 73 degrees. The heat isn't on and the house is warm for everyone but me. My hands feel like I just woke up from a grave. Brrr. I was going to write this morning while drinking my coffee and Emie napped but instead I was goofing around on facebook as usual and doing laundry. I feel accomplished today since I did everyone's laundry and tidied up around the house. I still have to clean the bathrooms and mop but I can do that after dinner. I am making pork chops. I made them so good last week that I was dreaming about them. Ha Ha. Emie is standing more and more. So proud of her but at the same time not ready for her to grow up so fast. I can't believe in three months she will be one year old and in twelve days she will be nine months. Dale was teasing me because I was getting emotional over my baby growing up. When your pregnant it feels like forever then when they are born it feel like they grow up in a day. Life goes so fast. So I applied to a few more jobs today and will be calling some back tomorrow to see if they reviewed my application yet. Hopefully I can get a part time job soon. I know that Dale says he will make everything work out if I can't get a job but I still stress. That is how I am. I worry about everything. I just want extra money to not worry about things. Especially with Christmas around the corner and then Dale's birthday then Emerald's birthday then Mikayla's birthday. That is a lot of Birthdays in a four month span. Thank god mine is in July. Ha Ha. Tomorrow i have a mall playdate with a friend and her daughter. I am excited to be getting out of the house and hanging out with a friend. I am trying to be in a positive mood every day. I found out the other day that my unemployment money might be getting smaller. It already is smaller than most people. Now it gets even tighter with finances. Oh well all I can do is just breathe and let what happens happens. I can only control what is in my control. I am trying to let that be my montra. Hopefully it sticks. All I can think about is money and jobs. So much has happened in the last year alone: I was laid off, had Emerald, moved in with my boyfriend, and recently my grandfather died. I visited him in hospice before he actually passed and he looked bad. It looked as if the life went out of him. I have know him to be a fighter and it looked as if he gave up on the fight. He lead a good life, he was eighty when he passed. I know that doesn't make the suffering of his passing go away but just telling the facts. He was very ill and slowly dying the past six months. I chose to celebrate his life by looking at photos and thinking of good memories instead of being upset everyday and mourning. I am not saying that mourning is wrong, it isn't. I just choose to not, that is my belief. I have a bunch of little things that I believe in and it might not be the normal thing but it's my thing. It makes my life a little easier. I couldn't go to the funeral or wake because it was too far of a drive and inconvenient for Emerald's nap and feeding schedule. But I was there in spirit. I hope my family understood. Ok so on a lighter note I love to tape all of my shows and then watch them on Monday's during the day. So my show list is Glee, Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice,Supernatural and Brothers and Sisters. Sometimes I do watch other shows but these are my weekly have to watch or I will cry shows. And I am behind this week on watching. Ha Ha. I caught up this monday on two weeks ago shows and last weeks, but still have a few left to watch. These are the joys of my life. Well now I have to end here so I can switch the laundry and start making Pork Chops. Hungry already.

Where To Start

This is my first post and I have a lot of thoughts running through my head. I set up this account last year when I was pregnant but decided not to do it. I think it was too hard of a time for me. I was laid off while I was four months pregnant due to being a high risk pregnancy and on bed rest. When I got off of bedrest two weeks later my boss gave my job away and continued to tell me my whole pregnancy that I still had a job. Well since then I have looked every day for over a year for a job. I have even applied at Mc Donalds. No luck. I am currently a stay at home mom who moved to Lake In The Hills in September to be with my boyfriend and start a new life. I love it. I am so happy to start my life as a family. No longer a single mom crammed in a bedroom with two kids. It was a shoe box. I was living with my mom and we were fighting a lot. That is another post on it's own. So basically I went from super mom working six days a week, doing everything and having no time but good money to just mom who cooks all the time (I do love to cook), cleans, watches more television than I have ever, still has baby weight from giving birth eight months ago, living off of my boyfriend's income and not sure what to do all day. So needless to say this is all still new to me.  I already did the cooking, cleaning and mom part before when being super mom but staying at home and not leaving every day is really different. It gets hard sometimes cause I don't know where to go that isn't going to cost a lot of money. Plus I feel odd spending money. I feel like I can't since It is not mine. I didn't earn it. Even though Dale says don't worry honey its family money. I have worked since I was 14 years old. That is all I know how to do. Not to mention I am still trying to find the time to go back to school for nursing. I have gone back a little at a time but the last time was Seven years ago. When is the best time to go back? Better hurry and go to school before my multiple sclerosis acts up and I can't. Oh yeah forgot to mention I deal with multiple sclerosis on a daily basis. It's annoying for me. The pain doesn't bother me as much as the studdering and not being able to get out the words I want to say but instead I might call a book a bear and a table a tree. My family knows what I really mean sometimes but it is annoying. I am also deaf in my left year because of it. It changed my life in 2003 when I was diagnosed but made me stronger along with the other things that were bad in my life. That again is another post. I have a lot of stories that make my life interesting to tell you. Along with getting used to being a stay at home mom I am also trying to make new friends who I can be close with. I am in a moms group and I like it but it is so hard with Emerald's schedule that I sometimes get discouraged and stay home. I stay home a lot. I only leave on weekends when I make us leave the house and do family things. I really need to find a job or hobby or something to get me out of the house more. Well this is it for today need to make myself lunch before Emie wakes up and needs to be fed. Bye for now.