no excuses

I haven't blogged in at least two weeks. I get so busy with work when I come home I cook, clean, give attention to the kids and my man that i don't have energy to write my blog. I know, no excuses. I won't let it happen again. I sometimes don't even go on face book for three days. I have to find the time to not neglect my needs like painting, reading and blogging. I will find a balance. So let me catch you up on what has happened. Emerald had to go to the E.R. since she had a fever for two days, vomiting and diarrhea. At first I thought it was the flu or her new teeth coming that was bothering her but my maternal instinct told me to take her to the hospital. Glad I did. She had to have a catheter and an i.v. and they found up she had a u.t.i (urinary tract infection). She has been on meds for almost a week and a half. I felt so bad for her. Since then she has gotten better but she doesn't like bath time anymore. I don't know if she is traumatized from the incident or what. So Mikayla plays and sits in the bath with emie to ease her back in that routine. It has worked out so far. I still haven't caught up on my shows. Now my computer screen on my laptop is all messed up since emie threw her bottle at my screen and I accidentally moved the mouse to hard and it hit my screen. The new screen is coming on Tuesday from Ebay. Right now I am using Dale's netbook. So not the same. Oh well what can you do. At least I still have something to go onto the Internet or I would go crazy. I have spoken to my brother which was awesome since we haven't talked in four months. We talk and text a lot now. He told me why he wasn't talking to me and it wasn't my fault. My dad and my brother came to visit (I have a weekly dinner visit with my dad), it was nice. I love the relationship I have with my dad and brother. I am picking up some more hours in a different department since every department is cutting hours. So this way I can at least get a total of 30 until target gives the store more hours. I am just happy to be working even though it kills my body. My body sometimes doesn't want to move as hard and fast as I make it. Having MS sucks. I hate having MS. Right now I have a sinus cold that is making my head hurt. Dale is getting sick too. Emie has learned how to push over her toy organizer which is wood leveled in three levels.  It went flying. She is too smart for her own good. That's all really besides I have a secret that I can't tell yet. soon but not yet.

Feeling out of place

Ever feel like you did something stupid and feel like your out of place. I am a strong person and for some reason sometimes I go in the role of a weak person. I try to please others so much that I look weak or people think they can take advantage of me.  Just wondering why I put myself in that role. It's a flaw of mine that I hate. I am strong and usually don't take crap from anyone. But at work at any job I sometimes act this way. I want to be trusted, liked and most of all I want them to think of me when they need someone. I just don't want to be seen as a moron or someone who is not capable of doing things. I guess sometimes I do things wondering why I acted like that or why I said that. I sometimes act like a moron when I am at work. Not all the time. But times when I am put on the spot. I sometimes feel like a kid who would rather stay home in my safe controlled environment than be where I feel like I am on display. Sometimes I feel like I would rather stay home and not feel awkward in the public eye. Not saying I don't like to be in public or near people. I just don't like it when people talk to me as if I am stupid and don't understand things. I sometimes like working alone so I don't have to feel awkward.

Finally Caught Up a little bit

I have caught up a little bit to my shows. So I have watched Greys Anatomy (I was behind on three episodes), i only watched two, still have one more to watch. Grey's is getting good. I loved how Christina Yang was trying out different jobs and finally ended up back where she belongs in the O.R.. I really am starting to hate Owen, he is so mean to Meredeth. I love Callie's new hair, I love how free and open she has become. I love the one episode where the cute nurse hits on Bailey and asks her out. I hope she has him as a new love interest. I love how they have cool medical parts in the show. It makes me miss E.R.. Private Practice I am caught up except for one more episode. i feel bad what happened to Charlotte. I really hope that she can get help and talk about what happened. As a survivor myself, I understand why you need to talk to someone about that. It's not healthy to keep it inside and not tell anyone your feelings. She can get past this she is a strong woman. I love the relationship between her and cooper. Its a lot like mine minus some of there fights lol. It was cool to see Pete's family come back. Even if they aren't close with each other. He really did want a relationship with his brother. It's not his fault his mom killed someone. Super natural was awesome! As usual. I loved the episode with the fairies. It was funny to see tough boy dean seeing fairies and screaming "Watch Out For The Fairies!" lol. I love the special effects and the different characters they have in the show. Its messed up how Sam doesn't have a soul but it is stronger, faster and smarter this way. The Caged Heat episode made me want to kick Samuel's ass. He really only cares about himself. Cass at least stepped up to the plate. I kinda feel like he owes them. I really want god to make an appearance. And what happened to the guy who wrote the books? The prophecy? I forgot his name. I want him to come back too. i so hope there is another season. I will be sad when this show ends. The last episode which was fever that I saw was cool showing the view of things through death's eyes. I really liked that. It made you understand the destiny and way of life's order. It was really cool when you saw Sam's soul go back into him. I hope it doesn't destroy him. That's all of the shows I watched for now. I still have to catch up on one more episode of Grey's anatomy, one more episode of Private Practice, almost all of the season of Glee, three or four episodes of brothers and sisters, almost all of the season of desperate housewives and they I will catch up on House.

Really wishes I was rip van wrinkle sometimes

I woke up this morning wishing that i could sleep till 9. I know it will never happen but hey I can dream. Sometimes I can sleep in on the weekends till 8. I really enjoy those days. My work has that schedule where it starts on Sundays and ends on Saturdays. So I started working on Sunday this week and am working till Thursday. I can't wait to be off on Friday and Saturday. I sit here enjoying my coffee waiting till it is time to go to work, Emie has not woken up yet and it is 856. She woke up at 3am last night, I put her in my bed cause I am not fully awake at that time, and she kicked me and slapped me for an hour. Finally I had enough of the abuse, made her a bottle, woke up Dale, where he then fed her and rocked her to sleep. He's a good man for that. So far this week she has only had two episodes of night waking up like that. I really need to find time for friends. I miss them. I really need a social life besides the one I have with dale and work friends. It's hard when I work different hours and weekends. When i come home, I clean, cook and take care of kids. Last night I went to bed at 940. I know that's early, I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I had the coolest thing happen to me the other day. When I shop online I use this website called ebates.com  so that I can get deals and cash back, well when you get cash back they mail you a check. I got a check for 5.77! I was so excited. I know it is not a lot of money, but it's pretty cool when you are getting some money back from shopping. Please go to ebates.com and check it out, you won't regret it. And if you do use my name Heather Sellers, because I get money for referring. Love it! I have been taking care of Mikayla's two animals since she doesn't care anymore. I can see what her as a teenager will be. So not ready for that. I see teenagers in stores and think if she ever acts like that i will be in trouble. lol.

A much needed break

Today I declared it to be my day. I am going to relax and catch up on tv shows that I am so behind on. Play games I am so behind on. Maybe read and paint. (ok I was a little zealous there lol) I am definetly going to color my hair, it needs it so bad (my roots are showing about 2 inches and i have gray in my roots). I am trying a new red so we will see how it goes. The sales lady at sally's says the professionals use this brand and that it is really good. Not sure if she is lying or if she just wants a sale, although I picked out the brand and color. We shall see. I wanted to try to see friends today but i still have a low cash flow right now, so driving too far or endulging myself in anything but my warm cozy home. There is a lot I can do here. I just feel bad about Emie. She only leaves the house when it is our weekly grocery trip or errands running around or the holidays. I get paid tomorrow so hopefully I can maybe go somewhere saturday with the kids and not hurt my wallet. I have to stay on a budget, I only get paid 8.50.  I like working at this job instead of waitressing (the money is different) but I know I am guaranteed money everytime I work. Also I get benefits, paid time off, paid leave of absence, fmla act and a bunch of other cool things I didn't get waitressing. So my pay is low but I am loving my life and job and that is all that matters. I will write another posting when I am done with my shows. I have like three weeks worth of shows so I might be glued to my chair for awhil today. lol.

whoever said being a mom is easy was drunk

I love my kids, but working, cooking, cleaning and dealing with kids is hard. Dale helps a lot. I mean a lot. But when I come home I cook and deal with whatever issues dale and mikayla have. Mikayla is so huge on attitude right now it is driving me crazy. I have a whiteboard where I keep a list of chores and not to does plus positive things and she is trying to earn something special at the end of the week. But we can't manage to go a full week or full day without her trying to boss one of us around or tell us off. This morning I was getting ready for work and I went into her room to see if she awake and getting ready for school. She was and had her sister out of the crib walking around. I was complimenting her on being dressed, awake and making her bed and taking care of her sister while I get ready and she starts to yell at me and tells me to take my kid. I don't like to fight and i hate to be crabby in the morning. I don't like to start the day like that. I explained to her that she didn't have to take her sister out of the crib and that I would take her into my room but not to talk to me like that. I am not sure if she actually listens to what I say or just doesn't care to pay attention to it. I also helped her clean her pet rabbit's litter box this morning and found soggy carrots that were bad and a carrot juice mess in the mini fridge we have downstairs. i really can't stand when someone can't clean up after them selves. It is harder for me to understand when I clean at home and then I clean at work. I don't think Mikayla knows how much I do. She also gets mad when I get home, I start dinner and she wants attention, I get that, but i have to do dinner, change my clothes, bathe emie after dinner. And sometime in between would like to relax for a bit which doesn't happen for long and then it is bedtime. Like i said i love my kids, i really do, its just hard working and being a mom.

soundtrack of my life

I was driving home from work yesterday and was listening to Nickelback. When I hear everyone has somebody i think of dale. That's our song and it makes me thinks of love movies. My soundtrack for life is here we go again by white snake. what's yours? I love 80s music so much. It makes me feel alive and excited for the day. Yes I know i am a dork. For Christmas dale got me an i pod touch. I love it. I was playing with it a little bit yesterday. It is cool. I love getting new electronics. I also got a gift card at best buy which i thought i lost but found it in the diaper bag, too late i had dale call best buy to get me a new one since i thought i lost it. Now I have to wait till it comes then  I will be buying the sims 3 expansion night life. I told you i was a dork. I love video games. Especially sims. I am still trying to find balance with work and friends and not having money sucks. Hopefully soon in the next month finances will become normal again. I love starting at 10 i get to do my normal mom stuff then hang out with emie for a bit. She is walking and getting into everything. On Saturday she was climbing onto everything and getting In more trouble. In a month she will be a year old. Wow does time go by so fast. Yesterday after cooking dinner, we had family wii time,since emie was still awake and would ruin games if we played a board game. Got to go to work. will write more later.