When you feel like your not good enough

I am having a real bad day today. I haven't left the house in over a week except for errands. I do go outside to either the park or my back yard but that's about it.I am having a hard time with my oldest and it is making me feel like I am a failure as a parent and a woman. I punish her to the point that everything is taken away. She doesn't care. On a regular basis she doesn't bring her homework home and she gets punished but she doesn't care. I have emailed teachers and followed up like a hawk on assignments but I just don't know what to do. I know a lot of this is her age and pushing boundaries but its just hard on me. I lock myself in the house punishing myself thinking I did something wrong for her to be this way. I really feel alone. I do the best as I can as a parent. Being a parent is never easy. I just don't know what to do. Am I a bad mom? I stopped talking to my family because too many of my aunts and uncles were saying things like I wasn't a good mom or deserved to have kids. Is this true? Were they just saying the truth and I was getting offended because I didn't want to know the truth at the time. I am hitting a low point right now and am scared to be this vulnerable on this blog but the same time I need to get it all out. I have so many emotions bottling up and I feel like I will explode. I feel so alone and feel like I suck as a person. Will I mess my other children up as well? I am trying to get out of this funk but I have felt strange for over a week. I haven't been sleeping well, I am really stressed, I am bored and lonely. I decided today I would find time to do arts and crafts with the kids but most of all I would find time for me to go to my room and paint. I just feel like I need a hobby or a creative outlet to get all of this stress out. I really need a friend right now and a big hug. Maybe I will make cupcakes or something chocolate to make me feel better. Sometime last week when I was having a bad day with my oldest, my hubby gave me this.

I know my hubby is here for me and I appreciate it. I really do. It's just hard after being a single mom for so long to realize you are not alone and you have someone there to help hold the burden of the house, help with the kids, the bills, everything.