Lots of thoughts in my head

So this morning I have been reading other blogs and just thinking about my life and how much I have grown in the last almost 31 years. (yes my birthday is next Thursday and I will be 31. Thought you might want to know in case you wanted to buy me something lol) I love reading other women's blogs because it makes me feel like I am not alone in certain situations. I don't really have an example right now but just in general. I like how we can write on here as if it is our diary or as if we are talking to a friend. Sometimes I don't give my complete honesty and tell you everything that is going on in my world, only because I feel like I am putting my dirty laundry out there and get nervous what others must think of me. I do not frown upon it when I see others being openly honest on their blogs. I am not sure if I can do that. I am trying, I really am. It took me along time to even trust people like I do. I used to be sceptical of people because of the things that happened to me in the past. I still wonder sometimes when I am friends with new people if they truly like me or have a hidden agenda? But I push those feelings out of me so that I don't waste any useless energy on negative feelings. My past is the past but sometimes it does sneak up on me. I went  through a lot in my life that most people haven't and shouldn't. Trust me this stuff is scary, dark stuff that should be spoken of. It's that bad. But I am stronger from all of it and have grown and changed a lot. I love myself for who I am and what I will be. I like to help others who are going through I went through or just need a friend for advice. I like being that person. I like that I a married with two beautiful kids and hopefully soon more. I like that I am more stable than I have ever been in my life. I have become sorta a 1950's wife where I cook, clean and am happy being with my kids. I never wanted to be that person but I love that I am her. I love having a nice clean home that I am proud of. I still haven't decided what I will do in my future where school and career fall. Hopefully I will decide all that soon.

My week so far

So Dale is getting ready to drive out of town for work(so hate that he does). He will be back by 10pm or sooner tonight but still hate it. On July 31st he will be going to Connecticut for a week. I really don't want him to leave that long and I am debating if I will go with. (he already knows this and is OK with this) I have been thrown off all week with chores and errands due to the power outage. I haven't gone grocery shopping yet and have to very soon after i write this since i am officially out of diapers. How did I let that happen?! I have two kids and it takes me so long to get ready, feed them and do errands, what will I do when I have 3? My dad had his weekly visit here yesterday where we all played mad gab with him. Lots of fun, if you have never played you should. I keep saying I need to start walking around the block every night so I can lose weight. Well tonight hopefully I will get the chance. I really would like to get to know how to add things on my blog like other blogs do. (appearance things) I haven't found any blogs about older kids. It really is hard sometimes the age gap between mikayla and emerald. Mikayla is 11 and Emerald is 16 months. Its hard to find activities for both kid's ages. I love the help mikayla gives me but she is in the preteen stage and has loads of attitude and sassiness. So on a daily basis i am in a power struggle with her. Fun Fun. I am wondering if I should sell jewelry and other stuff I make online. A bunch of people say I should. Hmmmm. I have been applying for babysitting jobs where I either bring Emerald with or watch children here. No luck so far. Really would like extra money to have and to help with debt we have. Emerald is at the stage where I am getting a booster chair for her to sit at the table with us(she climbs on the chairs and sits and tries to eat with us), also I will be starting potty training slowly(she brings me the diaper when she poops and needs a changing). I have a moms night out tomorrow with my moms group. I can't wait since I haven't gone out by myself in months. I have a birthday party for my niece this weekend so I am not going to Wisconsin. I so need to the kids out of the house this week and weekend. Wondering what I will do?