Guilty Mom

I know we all have our guilty mom moments so here is mine. I feel guilty that now with my third, I make my own baby food, did not introduce juice to him yet and he is 14 months (I had to with both girls at 4 months since they both had serious constipation issues). I cloth diaper with him although I did with Evilcious as well just not with Mysterious. I am not saying if you do not do any of these things you are bad, I just feel bad since I have done a ton of research on things now that I didn't with Mysterious and some I didn't with Evilcious. I bought a new car seat for Texas today so that he can stay rear facing as long as he can. He is super tall and was hitting the back of the seat in his car seat plus the car seat I bought had great neck support, which is awesome for when he falls asleep. What sold it for me was a review from a mother whose child has down syndrome and lack of neck muscles and if the car seat is good enough for her child it is good enough for my child.

We were in a rush for Evilcious to turn around so that we could see her and interact with her facing front forward even though we have mirrors so we can still see them rear facing. I think we just felt we needed to that. Technically with her weight she could still be rear facing. She is only 32 pounds. Texas is 23 pounds but his height is super long 32 inches. I just want him comfortable but safe. The next car seat I will be buying is for Evilcious, the one I want will separate into a booster when it is time for that and it is bigger so she will be safer plus it has better support than hers does. As for the baby food, I bought store made with both girls and Texas I made my own. I even make snacks for the girls. One of their favorite homemade snacks is fruit sauce. It is just 3 different fruits blended together, no sugar, or any additives. I freeze it the other containers and put in hot water to defrost and the girls have said it's consistency is thick like pudding and better than store bought apple sauce. Score 1 for me!

I feel great making his own baby food. Obviously I don't anymore since he eats everything we do but he just got two more teeth making it a total of four teeth he has so I do boil fruit so it is softer for him, same with veggies for snacks. I just feel like I make better food choices for him now than I did with the other two. Not saying I gave them crap, I am just more aware of what I make and give them plus Texas has very high blood sugar and has a high chance of being diabetic like me. All my kids are at risk since I have diabetes but since birth he has been high. So I watch him more like a hawk, although the girls don't eat much sweets but I don't let anyone eat too much crappy snacks here. Some but not much.

I love cloth diapering. Sometimes it's gross when I am spraying off poop from a diaper blow out but it saves me money and is good for the environment plus is great for my son's tushy since he has eczema. It was really great after his surgery for his missing ball. I love the prints and have become an expert of my own kind with it after cloth diapering Evilcious and Texas and will with the next one we are trying to have. I enjoy when my son is only in a diaper in cloth, since they are so cute. Being a stay at home mom with Evilcious since she was 11months old and all of Texas's life so far is a great feeling. I feel bad I didn't have that opportunity with Mysterious, I worked six days a week with her. But I try not to dwell on that. I feel like the older I am getting I do more research and make sure I am doing the best for my children.

I am also researching vaccines more and won't be giving any of my kids unnecessary ones especially the new born babies. I plan to breast feed again as long as my body will let me and the baby will take it with the next one. I try to be the best mom I can be, we have dance parties instead of too much t.v., we have craft time when I can spare time from work, we play with each other whether it be with games or in the playroom. I want time spent with my kids not material items.

To change or not to change It's that simple

I know change is hard. I struggle with it all the time. Being an addict change is super hard on me. So I understand completely struggling from time to time. What I don't understand is when someone just lets a situation happen to them. If you are not happy with yourself why not change or if you are unhappy in a relationship than try to change how you are in that relationship or how you talk to each other. That is all you really can do in a relationship. But for me complaining and whining is not an option in life. I constantly hear Mysterious complain about how things are not fair. I know she is capable of change, so does she but for some odd reason she enjoys complaining. Complaining and whining and never doing anything about it is a victim. Her therapist even says this. But I don't understand why you want to be a victim when you can be a survivor.

I am a survivor, I have been a victim in situations I could not control and I chose to survive or I would of died. I also was a victim in my teenager years of my choosing where I would complain and whine and not change. It got me nowhere. I was pathetic and I didn't care. I didn't care about  myself. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone.I don't understand why people don't get that. I know it took me awhile to see that.And sometimes I don't have patience with whiners and I know I should have more patience since I fully admit I was one. But still it drives me insane. If you don't like your life than change it. You can only change yourself not anyone else or anything else. So if your life sucks but you have changed yourself and have done everything you possibly can than I truly am sorry than life does suck but for those that all you do is have a pity party than you only have yourself to blame.

I am not trying to be mean but I will not sugar coat anymore. I have friends like this, my brother and mother are like this along with people in my family and my oldest is like this. I will continue to make my life better, change myself and am fully aware of others needs(or at least I try to be). If my relationship with my husband was failing I would do everything in my power to make it better. Relationships are hard especially living with someone else. Men can be little bitches sometimes even the good ones. I love my husband and we do fight not often and not for long but we tell the other person our feelings and how things can change. This could be sexual, financial, emotional, however things to change so they are constantly better and not failing we will do it. As you should. In a relationship there are two people not one. It's a "WE" thing not a "ME" or "I" thing.

Like I said it's jut that simple.Now I didn't say it will happen over night I am not a magician but over days you can see a change. I am making a change for the better for my life. I will be working out from home a couple times a week (starting off a couple times a week first so I don't die from an asthma attack ;) ) Not just because I want to lose the last 10 pounds from Evilcious. I know I look slim but I have had those pesky 10 pounds from her (she will be 4 on feb 22nd by the way) that just wouldn't go away. Plus I have a saggy butt now that I am getting older, hips that are so wide I really am an hour glass, a butt that is so huge I knock everything over so I will be tightening that ass. I just  want to look good and feel good. I have an eating disorder that I have kept control for some years now and staying in shape will help that little demon stay in control.

I don't eat like crap so working out will be a lifestyle change not a quick fix with some dieting. I don't believe in dieting. I will also go back to only two cheat days a week (which is chocolate cheat days).  If I can wake up at 6 am and workout and change my lifestyle, I think others can quit whining and complaining and change. I hope my oldest starts changing soon. She was doing good for 6 days straight there than just stopped caring and has for over 7 days just been unruly. I want her to love herself and care enough to change for herself not for me or for her therapist or for anyone but for her. Than she will will truly feel great for herself.