First Day

Tomorrow is my first day of work and i am so nervous. i am nervous about starting a new job, not working in over a year, whether or not they will make me permanent and being away from Emie. My friend who I have known for five years is going to watch her for me. i do have to drive instead of someone coming to me but I know her and trust her. That decision made it a little easier on me but I am still nervous about leaving her. I hate leaving my kids so i can work. I feel like I am abandoning them. i have always hated going to work when mikayla was little at night. It's harder when they are little. i can only do what i can do though, i know that but it is still hard. I have to work so we can have extra money and not worry about money being tight. i hope I get through this. I am making spaghetti and the house smells so good. I love to cook. I won't be bored now that I am working. I guess the hardest part will be weekends when they told me i will be working evenings. I will know my schedule tomorrow so hopefully it's not too bad. I know I only work five days but i am already missing my kids and I am home. I feel like my freedom is gone, I know it's silly. But it's the way I feel. Today I had a phone conference with mikayla's teacher and found out how she doesn't tell the truth to me or the teacher. She also doesn't give her teacher her homework or important papers. I feel more informed and like she will succeed more after talking to her. I am going to start setting up goals for myself so I feel accomplished and not lazy. I know after working i will feel good when I can spend money and not worry about it. It's just my emotions. I have to take a pregnancy test after next week to see if are trying has worked or not. My hormones and taste buds have been all over the place the last two weeks but will see if that is just stress or a baby. Keep your fingers crossed. I have to buy Emie alphabet magnets since she goes gaga for them. She played with Dale's moms and she was standing at her fridge for hours playing. We have butterfly magnets that mikayla has made and she loves those. It's funny how kids play with the simplest things. She loves to play with plastic spoons and bowls. I can't wait till dinner is done, I am smelling it while I am writing and I want to eat now. Once i start working I am going to get new paints so i can start painting and doing more arts and crafts with my girls.