music of the heart

I love to listen to music while I mop the floors. Plus it helps calm down a screaming Emie. She was screaming even though she was fed, playing in her entertainer, but still felt the need to yell at me. I still got the kitchen and floors cleaned. All I have to do next is clean my bathroom and the downstairs bathroom. Mikayla cleans hers now and she vacuums the floors, part of her chores, along with making her bed, feeding her animals and cleaning up toys. I know I spent all day yesterday tiding up and doing laundry. But today I had sheets to do from the beds and the mats from the bathrooms. Got to love my life, clean, clean, clean. Ha Ha. I tell myself everyday that I will read a book or paint or do something "Heather". "Heather" was the before she had kids person. I used to paint, draw, write stories and poems and make music. I am extremely artistic and musically challenged. I no longer play my instruments or sing, unless it is to Emie or in the car. I miss it and wanted to be in a band a few years back, but I'm a mommy and I don't know where I would fit it in. Dale thinks I can join a band and have time for my singing. I was told by an ex that my voice sucks so I lost my confidence as well. He took a lot from me, he beat me and made me feel as a big as a speck of dust. I know he was a loser but he still damaged me a lot. So I don't like when someone catches me singing because I get self conscious about my voice. The most I have done with painting was the ceramics I would buy from painted penguin for myself and paint them. But I stopped doing that too. I loved doing it so much, that I have a curio cabinet full of these ceramics for the world to see. I do miss painting with oil paints and drawing with pastels. I love to draw nature, waterfalls, oceans. I love nature so much that I look forward to going to Birchwood, WI which is six hours away so I fish, swim and just forget about the world. It's nice that Dale's parents have a family home in WI so we go there when we can. I will try to find a balance between mom and "Heather". I really am trying. I am trying to get out more by myself and with Dale without kids. We are looking for a sitter so we can have date night once a month. Hope we find someone soon we really need some time with each other. Back to the art I was thinking of getting finger paints so Emie and I could get creative. I really think she would love it. I really do need to find a way to get "Heather" back I miss her. I wanted to be an author, although I still want to pursue this and have written on my computer slowly over the past year. I also really want to go back to school for nursing. I am a dreamer and if I don't try to at least pursue all or some of my dreams I will be mad at myself. So I will continue to find a way for Heather and mommy to work together. Time to finish my coffee and put Emie down soon for nap number one and for me to get dressed and clean some more.