Working girl equals poor girl

So I haven't been on here for a few weeks due to working and being so tired. i have been working 4 or 5 days a week and it has been kicking my butt. When I get home I cook and take care of kids and then relax before bed. I feel so stiff when I get home. my joints hurt so bad. Oh well that is what happens when you want to work. So I talked to a friend today who is in a rough patch right now but will get past this.  i was telling her that she could get past this rough patch just to stay positive. I felt really good with the advice I gave her and i just felt good helping someone so dear to me. i have been through so much in my life that it feels good to use my life experience and help someone out. I try to stay positive on a daily basis and overcome whatever battles i have to. my keys on my computer are getting stuck right now and not typing the right letters. ugh. oh well. I am trying to make time for my friends and not be all about work and no play. what really sucks is all of the working i am still behind on bills and in debt. I also still have no money to touch since i spent everything i needed to on bills. Can not wait for tax money so that i can get the things i need. i can not wait to use some of that money. of course not all of it, it will go to my savings. So for Christmas i got lots of stuff for me to paint with and draw. I got an i pod from dale with a best buy gift card but i cant find the stupid gift card anywhere. ugh. really want to find that so i can get a sims 3 expansion game. I also got a lot of racing games for the wii from dales brother and parents. The kids got everything they wanted. Liv dolls for mikayla and walking toys for emerald. (Did i tell you she walks? she started last month, she also got more teeth. so now she has two teeth on top and three on bottom, she is also getting two more teeth on top) I had a blast on Christmas eve with dales mom's family. We stayed till 2 am. It was so much fun. I can't wait to do it again next year. Christmas day was nice. It had some dramatic moments (not my fault, some people just don't  want anyone happy) but it was a very full day. NYE we are having a few friends over at the house but it will low key and relaxing. I can't wait. I really like that i am close with dales parents and brother. I love being part of there family. I can't wait for them to be my in laws. I really appreciate all that dale does for me. He really is a good man. Today while i worked and he was off, he watched the kids and did a bunch of chores around the house. It really is nice when someone else helps do the chores. I love being with him. I truly am happy. Our dog nikki is snoring while i am typing lol. it's sad that mikayla has to go back to school on Monday so i will miss her. i miss my kids when i work. i know i see them when i come home. but i still miss them. Being a mommy is hard. I would never change that for any reason in the world. I know i am happy but i am also a little sad that things are estranged between my brother and my mother. They just don't see things the way i do. They always think that i am wrong and i am evil and there is no other way but there way. oh well cant please everyone. that is what i tell myself everyday when i feel helpless to other people. Well my leg is starting to hurt and i am getting tired.

TgIF

I am so happy it's Friday. I am off for two days. Next week I am only scheduled for three days with a total work week of 19 hours but i am going to see if i can pick up some extra hours. Depending on how tired I am today i am going to try to go to the moms night out. I really need some mom friend fun time. I haven't gone out since September. Plus i want to see my friend Erin, i haven't seen her in a month. I can't believe how fast this month has gone by. Before you know it will be Emerald's one year birthday and Mikayla's 11th birthday. Wow am i old. lol. I am so excited I have work friends. I am just an excitable person to begin with, little things make me happy. I don't think that is a problem. Too many people are sad and depressed, being happy is a good thing. I gave Emie some big plastic spoons to play with. She is loving them. I am writing this and eating oatmeal. I really do the same thing every day. lol. I have an Abba song stuck in my head right now so its hard to write. lol. I know i ramble a lot. I always have more than one thought in my head. My hands are so badly chapped from the winter and doing dishes at work. I have to think about what to do for emies birthday and mikaylas. I am not sure if i am doing themes, i never really did before. I will write more later tonight. Have to get ready for my day.

Is it friday yet?

Another 3p till 11p shift today. Very tired today. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 2 or 3 with emie and put her in our bed for a bit and back into the crib she went. Then I woke up at 715 with both kids and started my day. i think today I will definitely try very hard to take a nap. Work is good just physically hard on my body since i haven't worked in over a year. But i will get through it. When I got dressed I heard a noise and the city of lake in the hills was cutting down branches from my tree. Maybe it was too big. I don't know. So this week is work, Thursday my dad is coming over for our weekly visit, maybe moms night out on Friday (depending on how tired I am from work), Sunday we are going to Dale's parents house for his birthday dinner and a possible visit from my mom. Busy busy. Along with all that I clean and cook. Is it time to relax yet? So looking forward to not moving at all on Saturday. Mikayla is off of school next week and she is excited. I will be happy as long as she is not full of attitude all week. I am so sore and tired today. I really enjoy my morning time with emie when I am feeding her bananas and she feeds herself. Watching wife swap. This show cracks me up. I love seeing the diverse people they switch lives with and the crazy outcomes that happen. I love watching drama but hate it in my life. I know it is silly. But watching other peoples drama who signed up for that is funny to me. I can't wait for after the holidays so I can go on a date with dale. I am waiting till after holidays because of presents. I so want to see a few movies. I want to see the new witch movie. Forgot the name sorry. I really do want to go out on Friday with the other moms it is just hard when I get home i have to make myself go into the kitchen and cook and sit and relax after otherwise i won't want to cook. It is really nice that dale helps me when I get off of work even though he worked. I love the help. I also love the help from mikayla. Help is always good. I feel so accomplished since my house is clean and everything is taken care of. Then I feel I can really relax and enjoy it since I earned it. I think after January once all of the paychecks are normal and i have caught up on bills and things are stable, I will take two online classes toward my degree to start things off. I got myself three new PlayStation 3 games and I am so excited to play them. Just haven't had the time. lol. I traded my xbox 360 games since my xbox is broken and dale says it isn't worth fixing. I am going to by myself either a kinect or the wii motion when i get my tax money. I so want the zumba game.

Super mom or super busy

Today I have to work at 3 and already I woke up at 530 with emie went back to sleep then woke up at 7. Then fed her a bottle, a banana and yogurt for breakfast. I also made my breakfast, cleaned the bathroom while bathing emie, folded and put away my laundry, vacuumed the basement, vacuumed the main floor and put emie down for a nap. I took a shower and got ready for work. Now i want a nap, great how am i going to stay awake at work till 11? ugh! oh well got to do it. Today and tomorrow i work 3p-11p for training on how to close in case someone calls in sick at night. Normally I will be working days which is good so I can be with my family. But I do love my time in the morning with emie. I am getting a review before January 1st so they can hire me permanently since my seasonal contract ends on January 1st. I am really glad to find something that i like and can do with my schedule. I like the new nanny and so far she is doing an awesome job. I will tell you however that working after not working for a year is kicking my butt, i am so tired when i get home that i don't want to do anything. But i come home and i cook and take care of emie. Dale is great with helping with the kids and cleaning up while i relax. Tonight he is watching the kids all night and feeding them dinner. Same with tomorrow. Hope it all goes well for him. I cant wait for the weekend. I get to enjoy it with my family. Next week i only work three days because of the holiday. I have to finish my online Christmas shopping so it is done this week. I really need a nap right now. Now i just need to find time for my friends. Cause i can do it all.

work is hard

Sorry I haven't written in awhile my schedule at work has been crazy. I was so tired after working all week yesterday that Friday i fell asleep at 7 and woke up at 9. I relaxed all day Saturday to recover from the week. This week is another full week of working and taking care of kids. I also have to finish my online Christmas shopping. Busy, Busy. I also need to have time for friends. I like working, I just hate being away from my baby. Oh well got to make the money. I am still seasonal but my head boss said she doesn't see a reason why i wouldn't get hired full time. So we will see. I was so stressed out yesterday. I had to fire a babysitter who called in twice in one week and who wasn't really doing anything with emie besides plopping her in front of the TV. I came home to Emie having a very dirty diaper. She also thought I was nit picky because she wanted to be the boss and tell me what she could do with my kids. really?! So Dale and I did interviews yesterday and we had a hard time choosing between two we liked. But we picked the best one and I hope she does well. She likes education with kids and thinks everyone should start teaching a baby how to count, colors, alphabet. I like that. She also wants to do creative projects with both kids. love that. I have a good feeling with her. Also she had worked with two families before for a while. So that is a plus. Not much new on the baby trying front. We are still trying and waiting to see if my period comes. I am still behind on my shows. So hopefully soon I will be catching up. I just hope to catch up on bills since my unemployment ended and i started my job i haven't paid bills yet for this month. I just cant wait till the money is all settled and i am hired permanent and i can just calm down on stress. I also cant wait for Christmas and family time. I love holidays with family.

Very tired

Today was another day of training in food area of target. I had a blast and my boss was impressed by me. She told me that it most likely won't be seasonal for me. She also told me she likes my personality, my listening and doing what I am told and she wants to make me her go to gal. I am so enjoying working but getting up so early really sucks. Tomorrow I have to get up at 515 so I can get ready and eat and be at work by 7. I feel so accomplished today, I vacuumed the floors, bathed emie, made dinner and cleaned up some messes around the house. I also started this new form of chores at my house for my oldest. I got a white board and wrote all the chores and rules of how I want things to be. She gets a green stone for every chore, helping out and positive attitude. She gets a white stone for every negative action and not doing chores. We total the stones at the end of the week and subtract green stones where the white were and the total has to be the amount we chose. If she gets that amount she can pick where we go on Sunday for fun. If she continues to behave and get a lot of green stones for a few weeks in a row I will let her earn to get a new video game or something. I am trying to get her motivated to do chores and help out with attitude and to have mouthing off and attitude to a minimum. I feel very positive about this. It is already starting to work a little bit. I can't wait till I am off this week so I can enjoy the day now that I have earned it. Every time I come home Emie misses me so much that she won't let me put her down. i feed her my lunch and put her down. Its so cute. It's nice to be working and enjoy what I have in my life. Good family, good man, good kids. I love my life. i have to go shower and sleep and do it all again tomorrow. plus it is so cold and I wish i had a tunnel to walk in instead of going out side in the cold.

Good Changes

I had a fun and good day at work today. I was training as a cashier and the four hours went so fast. Everyone was real nice at work and i can't wait to train next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The sitter I found was really good too. She is only 18 but very charismatic, they way we get along is as if she is one of my family. She makes me feel very comfortable to leave Emie with her. Emie didn't nap for long or eat her whole lunch with her but she played with her constantly. When i came home Emie ate my lunch with me and fell asleep sitting on my lap. She missed me so much she wouldn't let me put her down, she constantly wanted to be in my arms or on my lap. It was cute and made me feel very good that she wanted to be close to me. I love my girls and I am glad to spend the time i do with them. I can't wait to start getting money and to be able to save and buy myself things i want. There is no other good feeling but the feeling you have when you earned something. Last night Emie woke me up at 345 and stayed up til 5. I finally fell back asleep and struggled to wake up at 630. I really didn't want to wake up so early. I decided that I will wake up around that time everyday during the week even if I am not working early so that I can be ready before the girls are up and get used to getting up early. It's not like I slept late normally, it's just that I would rather stay on my work schedule and get in the groove of things. i hope to sleep till 8 on weekends but will see how that goes. i really don't want it to snow tomorrow, I hate driving in snow. I can't wait to see how Emie reacts to snow, whether she likes it or not. I was checking her mouth for new teeth since she has been teething for a few months. her third tooth is coming in. It looks so pretty. I love babies with teeth. I can't wait for Christmas and watching Emie trying new things and her first moments in things. I finally put up all the Christmas decorations in the house with the family and Emie kept trying to steal the items and crawl away with it. it was so cute. Tonight my multiple sclerosis is making my body hurt so bad. My legs are hurting where i don't want to move. I hate having this disease, i try to not let the pain get to me. I have been trying to call public aid and see why i haven't gotten any new cards in the mail. usually they mail the next month but I haven't gotten any since September. The girls and I have public aid. I really need to go to a neurologist and get medication for my ms. The pain has just gotten to much for me. i will just get past it like i always do. Watching ghost adventures and I am still behind on my shows. I love ghost adventures.

First Day

Tomorrow is my first day of work and i am so nervous. i am nervous about starting a new job, not working in over a year, whether or not they will make me permanent and being away from Emie. My friend who I have known for five years is going to watch her for me. i do have to drive instead of someone coming to me but I know her and trust her. That decision made it a little easier on me but I am still nervous about leaving her. I hate leaving my kids so i can work. I feel like I am abandoning them. i have always hated going to work when mikayla was little at night. It's harder when they are little. i can only do what i can do though, i know that but it is still hard. I have to work so we can have extra money and not worry about money being tight. i hope I get through this. I am making spaghetti and the house smells so good. I love to cook. I won't be bored now that I am working. I guess the hardest part will be weekends when they told me i will be working evenings. I will know my schedule tomorrow so hopefully it's not too bad. I know I only work five days but i am already missing my kids and I am home. I feel like my freedom is gone, I know it's silly. But it's the way I feel. Today I had a phone conference with mikayla's teacher and found out how she doesn't tell the truth to me or the teacher. She also doesn't give her teacher her homework or important papers. I feel more informed and like she will succeed more after talking to her. I am going to start setting up goals for myself so I feel accomplished and not lazy. I know after working i will feel good when I can spend money and not worry about it. It's just my emotions. I have to take a pregnancy test after next week to see if are trying has worked or not. My hormones and taste buds have been all over the place the last two weeks but will see if that is just stress or a baby. Keep your fingers crossed. I have to buy Emie alphabet magnets since she goes gaga for them. She played with Dale's moms and she was standing at her fridge for hours playing. We have butterfly magnets that mikayla has made and she loves those. It's funny how kids play with the simplest things. She loves to play with plastic spoons and bowls. I can't wait till dinner is done, I am smelling it while I am writing and I want to eat now. Once i start working I am going to get new paints so i can start painting and doing more arts and crafts with my girls.