Its 2 am I should be sleeping since I have to get up early for my sons surgery consultation instead I came home late from work and am arguing with my brother. I no longer talk to my mom since she called dcfs on myself and my husband. Which hurts me everyday not to speak to her. But she put fear in my children. The investigation was closed and we were found innocent. It was ridiculous allegations. I know longer talk to my family since all they see is lies about me. My family is my dad, hubby, my kids, my friends and my husbands family. That doesn't mean I'm not happy. I am. I do miss my family but I can't put myself in situations where I have to constantly defend myself. My family is judgemental and is on high horses alot. I habe been through a lot. Instead of seeing whp I have become and what a beautiful person I am they choose to see me for the lies my mother has told. Which I don't even know what those lies are. It pains me my family will never see my kids grow up, see them get married, see them have kids. I don't understand why it is so important for them to bring others down insted of forgiving and seeing the good things they have done. I am not perfect. But ivrey so very hard to what is best for my family and myself. When I was a kid they were all perfect in my eyes. Now that picture is so tainted. I wish I was born into a family that wasn't so damn dysfunctional.
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Something new
This weekend I moved my brother in law to his new house. I'm happy he is starting a new chapter in his life. Its great. But at the same time. I want a new house. I wanted this before he moved since my house is feeling smaller since we have three kids and we want one more plus hubby found a stray and now we have three dogs. So there is a plan in motion for us to find a bigger house in 2-5 years.
It always seems when someone has something new so do I. When my brother has a new game, I want one. When someone has a new phone, I want one. When my brother got a new car, I wanted one. I love my life and I'm very greatful for all that I have and am not sad at all. It just seems like shiny and new is always cooler.
Maybe I am the only one but that's how I feel. I'm perfectly happy in my life, I just like shiny new things.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Who is this chick?
Friday, November 8, 2013
Sink or Swim
We have received letters from the current mortgage company even though we have filled out paperwork for a forbearance from them. We are in constant communication with the mortgage company so that has worked in our advantage and there was nothing wrong, they just scared me because some dumb dumb at the company didn't know we were in communication. So everything is ok with that which makes my stress less.
Than I was stressed out because of working from home, cleaning, giving kids attention and leaving the house. I just needed a balance and I hadn't had that for quite awhile. So last week while being in the shower I came up with plans to make everything work. First I decided that I had to give up the control I thought I had. Then I told my husband as far as the mortgage went I would put as much money as we can aside for it, plus if we couldn't get a forbearance or catch up that we both agreed we would do a mortgage counseling and if we didn't qualify for that, then ask for money from his parents (which we have done once before and I hate doing that) and if they couldn't give it to us (not saying they can't but was just giving myself a worse case scenario) then we would short sale the house and rent a house. I needed a plan or I was going to drown.
Then as far as the balance for work and house duties along with kids went I decided that I would try to leave at least 1-2 times a week. Friday my balance was great except for the getting out of the house and cleaning part done. What I did was I woke up got ready, got all my morning stuff done, fed everyone and started working. It helps now that I have a battery for my computer so I can bring the laptop everywhere and not worry about it dieing without being plugged in. I worked while eating and feeding kids. I also have a stopping point, which is super important for the balance. If I am going into the office that night (a.k.a my mother in laws) I have an end point at 4pm so I can fold laundry from that day (I do laundry everyday or it just piles up) do one chore and than spend some time with my family before I start cooking. Once I am done cooking I eat, then shower my oldest (yes she is 13 but since she has Aspergers and a huge hygiene issue) I have to wash her hair and watch her shave her armpits and wash herself otherwise her hair looks greasy, she will smell and basically she is just in hot water pushing the dirt around.She gave me a migraine from her smell one day and I don't want her picked on.
The days I don't go into work I end at 5 and do my house chores and family time. Which is nice since I relax more on those days. I went to work three nights in a row last week coming home at 1/2 am than getting up at 6/630 to take care of kids while hubby would get up with the baby in the middle of the night. I was so glad it was Friday and I could finally relax. This week I plan on putting the end time in affect (although I do have to keep watch on work emails and make sure I am still giving quotes to customers if they need them in a timely matter which doesn't take long), making sure my one chore is done that day, laundry is folded and put away and I take kids either to the park every day or leave a few times during the week either in the afternoon or the morning and tell my boss( my brother in law, which I did on Halloween that I am not available from this time to this time). I realized I can do this balance it just takes finesse and patience.
The other stress I had was being lonely and not having a social life. Which I also came up with a plan by talking on face book when I have a chance to friends through messenger more, texting more and planning a time to see them but sticking to it. I know sometimes I am going to have a bad day where kids will annoy me, work will annoy me and I want to scream but this way by making a plan things will be a little less hectic and tiring.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Halloween is fun when someone else gets candy for you
The kids had a blast even though it was rainy and cold. We only did a a three streets when last year we did so much more but
Texas enjoyed daddy holding his chunky butt while trick or treating at each house. Which is huge for him since he hates strangers, I mean oh my god you are talking to me screaming making faces where is my mommy panic towards strangers. Mysterious came up with a Halloween costume idea and really enjoyed Halloween this year. She was ventriloquist dummy at school and a murderer at home. It was nice to see her so happy and enthusiastic about something.
Hubby dressed as a zombie, Texas as a dragon.
My dad as a mad scientist.
Evilicous as Woody from Toy Story.
Mysterious as a murderer.
Me as a masquerade ball dancer. I am in my wedding dress and should of taken a longer picture lol.